EMOTIONAL

I still don't understand why I behave in such exaggerated manner. I get angry at little things.... after that, I get to cry until I can't breathe (well crying can clog my nose)

For various reasons, this always happen, oh gosh, I'm such a sad person. Sometimes, I try to laugh at it but most of the times, I'm gloomy. I don't know.. maybe I was not that satisfied enough or I expect more and yet  nothing will come out of my expectations.

Such a hard journey to my deathbed.

sunday

I don't know if it is just me or the heavens blessed me this Sunday. =)

I was supposed to see them busking, I tried to find them, and after an hour walk around the park, I have to call "him" just to make sure if they are going to have their busk or the activity' cancelled. I met up with him.. =) damn! he's cuter that I thought.. and yet I was afraid to even approach him.. hohohohoho

And then, while waiting for the others, I asked him a lot of questions, I was soooo much interested about his story, why he was so talented, like in an instant, while we were talking, he said that he had a lot of melodies and lyrics on his mind, that he wants to write it down.. unfortunately, I don't have my pen and paper at that time. So by then, we just continued laughing, then serious talks. It was fun.. for me =)

One thing that attracted me to him was also his locks, it looks FLUFFY, I tried to touch it and yet, I hold back, it's kind of embarrassing for me to even try to hold a man's locks.. especially if you are totally admiring the person..

I just noticed that no one came from the busk team.. the busk was cancelled and.. we were together hahahaha such a lucky day for me to have the opportunity to ask him LOTS of questions. I toured him since we might not get the chance to tour anyway the next week. He is a simple guy, he was a child XD he likes to ride the boats and also the mini carts at the park, he even want to try to sneak in on one of the places there that is basically not appropriate for the likes of him.. well of course he was with me all the time, I don't even want to go to those places too, even if I'm with my boyfriend.

He was a gentleman, awkward at times, I don't see myself being protected at the park hahaha.

He also loved plants, well we stopped several times, upon his request, since he wants to look at the potted plants there.

What really amazed me he's broke hahahhaa. the only money he had at that moment was his transpo allowance. well, he has 3pesos excess (and he bought himself candies) so when I invited him to eat, he can't buy anything, not even a piece of fishball. I bought him 2 pieces of squid balls, he accepted the offer since I bribed him that I will not go the next busking (sooo bad!)

The only thing is that at the end of the day.. neither he nor I tried to share what has happened. XD I don't know why.

I mentioned this a while ago with one of my close friends.. well she thinks that it was purely friendly bonding but with a *kilig* moment XD

I told him I might do a write up about him based on his answers but then again.. I'll be keeping some info for myself. 

He's cute hahahhahaha

crush? ahahaha

hahaha! the time that most people (at my age) are much focused on their career and lovelife.. and yet, I'm still in the High school zone (LOL)

Really, I never thought having this "Crush" thing would make me more happier... with lots of laughs.

The only thing is that, what if this turned out... oh never mind! I'm pretty sure having this feeling wouldn't affect the relationship I have... hopefully...(hahahaha)

I just don't understand, of all the people I used to have a conversation with, this boy caught my attention.. yeah, he is as talented as the others I have met but there is something more about him, HE IS a very interesting fellow... and I found out that I have a crush on him hahahaha!

Now, the "what if's" just popped out in my head.. what if he's not younger than me, what if I spend more time with them? what if? what if?

I know for a fact, I'm enjoying this feeling.. well I was being "ignored" most of the time by my whachamacallit? oh.. boyfriend, since he's too busy with his work. That's understandable.. and yet I have to make sure I am not to take any pleasure of any of this. Shortcomings it maybe, might that I deserve more, but I'm holding on to a promise.

Depression..

All I know is, my health is deteriorating.. later on, I am sick and no one knows what I am going through.. People who eventually says "we are worried" about you doesn't even understand what I am really feeling.. The only thing they know is that what they are saying is RIGHT, and not thinking about a person would really feel just because they are sooo much self righteous about themselves..

I find myself very much understanding to those who are depressed, down, having no self esteem, BULLIED.. because I realized... I was, all along.. one of them.. The only thing that I can't do is to uplift them since I, was also like them. Depressed, down, having no self esteem, and bullied.. normal people who did suffer from unfortunate events that happened in their lives and yet, moved on, cannot even be resembled to people who are still suffering from depression.

Our story, our lives... will never be understood. Life is so much cruel... people are cruel..